hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize