I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
