Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
