she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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