I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
