Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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