i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
