I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
