Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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