if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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