Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
