It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
