im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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