Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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