1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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