I just threw up on my dentist
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
