I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
