i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the day after is always just damage control
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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