I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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