come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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