so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Randomize
