I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I looked at my own cervix.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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