it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
