if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
