I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
