shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
whose ass print is on the piano?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
