smell my finger.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
