I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
