Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My liver just had a heart attack.
You pole danced in your parka.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
