she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
