It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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