i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize