Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

Who goes to Church hungover

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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(716): View more from New York

I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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(760): View more from California

The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

they're like a gay fantastic four

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(520): View more from Arizona

I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother

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(317): View more from Indiana

Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it

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