It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
