i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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