Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.