New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.