I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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