Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
