hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
