Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What drink are we having for lunch?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
