In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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