I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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