I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
