God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
