i dedicated my morning wood to you.
birth control should be required to get into college
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
