And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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