it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
