That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
