i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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