I should be sponsored by Trojan
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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