Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
