The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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