I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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