He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
