got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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