Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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