We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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