believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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