dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
