either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
