Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
