I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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