I will die if light touches me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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