she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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