my vag is so smooth its legendary
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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