that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
