Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
