i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
